Focusing on the Glimmers

 

“God will never give you what you can’t handle”

I have to respectfully, disagree. I think God intentionally gives us what we CAN’T handle, so that we have to rely on Him. When we have seasons of hardship, sometimes it helps to look for glimmers, and it’s important to remember where these glimmers come from. 

I did so much praying before opening our home to another placement, and I felt so READY! Haha, that’s so cute of me. 

The morning of Friday, February 27th, as I was driving to work, I kept thinking “today is the day!” And later that day around 1:30, we got a call for a newborn… “it’s a very new case, anything can happen.” A newborn was not something we really expected, but we said yes. My mother in law willingly and happily said yes to the task of watching him while we worked, so we didn’t have to take a lot of time off, and my mom said she would watch him with Reagan (which was already planned) for a solo trip coming up that Rob and I booked a while ago- talk about HUGE glimmers! 

We said yes around 2pm, got selected by CPS around 5:30pm, and didn’t have him with us until around 9pm. What. A. Day!

After the paperwork was signed and he was in our care, the overwhelm set in. Oh my gosh, we have a newborn. Goodbye sleep, easy routines, and anything that makes sense, really, and HELLO CHAOS! Not only did we say yes to newborn chaos, but saying yes in foster care means saying yes to all the other things that come with it. People in your home, doctor’s appointments, foster parent documentation, and so much more. What have I done?!

But really, it’s, what has GOD done? He’s got this. That very night we had already planned to have dinner at my Dad’s house with my brothers and sister-in-laws. They were so excited for us and asked us to come back over after placement so they could meet him, and even though it felt like a lot, I was so thankful once we got there. After feeling the anxiety and weight of our “yes,” it felt so nice to be loved on and prayed for by family. That’s another glimmer. 

That weekend was already busy. Rob had to work that Saturday, so I was on my own with a new baby and my 4 year old, and we were off to dance class. I was like- I got this! But I didn’t. I forgot the nipple to the bottles I packed for the baby. NOOOO! I thought my only option was to tell Reagan she couldn’t attend dance that day, but I felt like I couldn’t do that to her. Her world just changed overnight, I wanted to keep a little bit of her routine. It just so happened that my friend texted she was dropping stuff off at my house (for the baby) and she GRACIOUSLY offered to bring the nipple to dance class. The gratitude I felt for her in that moment can’t be described. That’s another glimmer. The next day, I was hosting a baby sprinkle for my best friend. The co-hosts came ready! Instead of feeling anxious and underprepared, everything came together seamlessly because of the friends who helped throw the shower. Glimmer. 

Part of my prayers before opening our home to a placement again was that our loved ones would be on board. That their hearts would be changed and molded into hearts that care for the children in foster care in a way that makes them welcome them with open hearts and arms, knowing that heart break could follow. I prayed that our community would show up in any way they could. Boy, did this prayer get answered. We have felt so much support from friends, family, and even strangers. People have given time, money, donations, prayers, and thoughtful messages. Our hearts are exploding. Look at God.

We got to attend his first court hearing after some confusing and disappointing back and forth, and we found out through the hearing that CPS is working to place him with his Grandma. That was a punch to the gut, not because we don’t want him with his family, but because it was unexpected, and to get to the naked truth of it all, we hope to grow our family through adoption from foster care; with each placement, there’s a careful hope. With news like that, it felt like hope was lost; that day felt hard and sad. After some reflection, I realized that even though that’s not what we wanted to hear, at the end of the day, our job is to stand in the gap; we are a safe place to land. If God has a different plan, where our family is complete through this placement or another, we are here for that, too. It was hard for me to find a glimmer here, but when I think about God’s intentions and purpose for family, I am grateful we get to be part of that. 

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬-‭18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/116/1th.5.16-18.NLT