You Get To

"You get to" has become part of my inner dialogue and it has made a difference in my life. It is used by one of my favorite Peloton instructors, Jess Sims, who uses these words in her fitness classes to motivate and challenge her athletes. 

The words first showed up in practice one night when I felt exhausted from the day and just wanted to sit and do nothing, but my mom & step dad were coming in town, and I had to get the guest bathroom ready and make their bed and all the things that come with hosting guests. I found myself feeling irritated as I was cleaning up when these words appeared in my mind like a huge neon sign. What am I doing? Why am I irritated? I GET to clean up for my loved ones who are willingly driving in late after work to spend time with my family. I was reminded that not everyone is blessed enough to have a mom around, and I get to spend a whole weekend with mine. Wow, what a blessing.

I think of these words in the morning when that pesky alarm goes off or when I leave work exhausted and would rather drink a glass of wine on my couch and watch whatever sing-songy show Reagan chooses instead of moving my body; however, I know that getting that work out in is self-care that I can't ignore. I will lazily throw on my gym clothes & head downstairs to hit "start class" on the tread screen at 5am, or pack my gym bag for an after-work spin class the next day. I never regret it, and I remind myself that I don't have to, I GET to. There are people out there that do not have the ability to exercise and want nothing more than to have the opportunity, and I GET to move my body in a way that strengthens my muscles and mind. What a simple, yet profound, blessing.

Most nights we are working very hard against our natural instinct to argue with our 4 year old about doing simple things like brushing her teeth, taking a shower, and getting ready for bed. It always feels draining and frustrating, and a lot of times when I lie with her before she drifts off, I remind her that it's not time to chat about what happened "last year" or "yesterday" or "when she was three" which can all mean exactly those things, or they can mean an hour ago, or I am left guessing when this thing actually happened, if it happened at all. Ok, I digress. One night recently, she started talking away about dreams she has had and things on her mind, and what I really wanted to do was shhh her and remind her it was bed time; however, I recalled something I read recently that says that time right before bed when they are winding down is when they want to unload all the things in their little minds. Kind of like how the moms of the world lie awake with a never ending loop of to-do lists, what ifs, and only had Is, and I thought to myself, I get to be her safe space. I get to help her calm her mind and get her to sleep. There are people dreaming of doing this very thing; what a blessing. 

My family and I have embarked on the journey of foster care. At first, it was just something I was curious about; I wanted to learn more. Then, I met people who were walking that road. They were currently fostering, and they were in the trenches; their stories were scary and hard and beautiful. I felt the pull; I started asking questions and looking at agencies. We dug our heels in and began the process in February of 2024, and got our first placement in June that same year. It was an exciting time; we were hopeful and looking forward to what came next, until reality set in. This foster care thing was HARD. We were constantly waiting for direction and guidance, wondering what would happen, and wishing for only one outcome, adoption. It felt hard and tiring, and there was a lot more to it than I realized. Fast forward to mid September and the day came that he was leaving us. He was going to a fictive kinship placement. We felt all the things, but mostly anger. We felt wronged and discouraged. We felt an overwhelming urge to protect our daughter's heart and scared of what this would do to her. He had only been with us for a short three months, but he was her brother. Would she be ok? It is over a year later, and she still mentions him by name and says she wishes he was with us. It breaks our hearts every time, but I know now, that it will be ok and God's plan is always bigger than ours. I am letting go of control and giving it to Him. When she makes those comments, I will trust that the spirit will speak life into her through me. After a lot of reflection and prayer and journaling, I realize how blessed we were with this experience. We got to be his family in the interim and it taught us so much. This "yes" wasn't forever, but it was for the amount time that had already been written in our story.

It was hard and we were jaded, but like most things God places on our hearts, despite our feelings surrounding last time, I want to do it again. So here we are, open to another placement, and finding hope, not in the outcome, the workers, the right "yes," but instead, in Jesus and what he wants for His people. We get to show God's love in a very unique and powerful way. We get to teach His heart to our daughter in real life. We get to love a child forever or for the time we are supposed to love them. The bible is full of stories where obligation becomes opportunity, and burdens become privileges. Their stories reveal that gratitude replaces reluctance. We GET TO walk into this next season with merry hearts, for "God loves a cheerful giver." (2 Corinthians 9:7) And when things are hard and feel impossible, I will put my faith in Him, right where it should be.